It's been real and it's been fun. It's just down-right been real fun, 24. When you first came into my life I thought that I was dreaming. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was 14 and praying and dreaming about what life would hold? I blinked and then you came. We've had some good times this past year, walking through life together. We've also had some scary times. Remember when I thought I was going to DIE from a dry socket? Man, that was awful. David was so great during that time (as he always is) he became a super hero, soaring to great heights to find the strongest pain meds, slaying the sandman to be at my beck and call through the night hours. Yes, he was and still is amazing. 24 you knew that this would come into my life and God used it to create compassion and tenderness in my heart for people who are hurting. There are so many people who are hurting. There are so many lessons learned in my 24th year.
24, do you realize you have a song? Yes, cool, right?! Switchfoot sings about you. "24 reasons to admit that I'm wrong" That line always gets me. This 24th year of my life has taught me much, but I'm not always correct in how I relate these Truths God teaches me. He is so patient with us. When others say "I felt that way when I was your age too" and I feel demeaned, upset and bitter (oops, there's that dirty laundry!), God gently reminds me that He shows us what we need to learn at the proper times, and it's not my responsibility to proclaim certain things to the masses. Rather to live them out and allow people to ask questions, to foster relationships, to see sharpening happen - it's a two way street. I have so much to learn....
Here's 24 items- various things like wisdom, situations, lessons, etc within my 24th year.
An "Ode" of sorts, to you, 24:
1. Marriage has gotten sweeter. BEST. DECISION. EVER.
2. I've realized that I'm now in my mid-twenties. Weird.
3. I still feel 19
4. My bills tell me I'm not 19 ;)
5. My relationship with God has gotten more Grace based and less works based (He increases, I decrease)
6. Relationships with people are hard (and PAINFUL) sometimes. They are sinners like me.
7. I like, really, really enjoy cooking. (thanks for the good gene's mom!)
8. I have the most bestest job ever. EVER.
9. Life is so short. This is not a new, but a deeper understanding.
10. I waste entirely too much time. And energy. And resources.
11. I enjoy "coffee chats" with friends more now than ever.
12. Realizing that high school was over 6 years ago. Also weird.
13. I have a fantastic used car that was a complete (cheap!!!) blessing. 43k miles. Whoa nelly!
14. I have a better understanding of what giving is. And maybe more importantly- what it is not.
15. Relationships with people are amazing. They are growing like me.
16. Don't put people on a pedestal. It gives them a higher place to fall from, and they will fall and disappoint. Again- sinners like me.
17. It's ok to hate sin. Which is good because I hate it a lot. Sometimes it makes me cry.
18. People are hurting.. It's ok to cry (alot) when they hurt. It doesn't make you look weak, it amplifies your love for them.
19. I'm a really selfish person. I need more work in this area.
20. Baking soda is the best chemical ever. I seriously use it for just about everything.
21. Gardening is therapeutic and fantastic.
22. Sponsoring children is hands-down one of the biggest blessings in our lives. We love you, kiddos!
23. There's nothing quite like an amazing novel. You have to read Redeeming Love.
24. More than anything else, redeem the time and give away your love and resources. It's the greatest thing ever to see God bless someone through the avenue of your hand, heart and clock. Once you let go of control and American "standards" of living- the rewards are so fulfilling.
We have a few weeks left together, 24. Let's make it count!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Never the same....
The desert was living up to its reputation, it was noon and the heat was overwhelming, the smell of damp dust choked her throat, her vessel getting heavier with each step " It's worth it, I can't stand the look on their faces anymore."
Some called her "harlot", others would not give her the decency of even looking at her. Mothers told their daughters that this is that kind of woman. Their daughters spit on her as she walked by. The noon day heat was easier to bear than the whispers of other woman at the usual meeting time- when the air was cooler. Everyday she visited this well, and everyday her heart came away as dry as before. Nothing- or no one could fill the void deep inside her. But this would not be like the other times she visited the well. This time, a Man was there.
It was a long journey for this handful of men and their Master was tired. He sat down on the well. They called it Jacobs well. He was just so tired, and this noon-day heat was gloating in its strength.
He saw her coming from a distance. It was strange to draw water at such a hot point in the day but He knew. He knew everything about this woman.
"What are they doing here?" She breathed deeply and thought about turning back. The emotion was strong, but so was this heat. She just wanted to get this chore over with and draw back into herself. Into the place she couldn't be hurt by what others thought of her. By now some of the men in this group had gone into town. There was just one Man left. "I can do this" she told herself, "there is only one of them, and he will probably leave as I approach anyway." So many had deserted her before, why not this man who probably knew who she was?
"Will you give me a drink?" His voice shattered the silence and she almost dropped her water vessel. He was a Jew, she could see that now. She was a Samaritan! They would rather ask a camel for a drink than to share a vessel with a Samaritan. Who was this man? "Do you know who I am? How is it that you ask me for something to drink!" Warmly he looked at her, his gaze penetrating deep into her heart, loosing something that was bound for years. " If you only knew of the water I have to give to you, you would be asking me for something to drink." Now she was confused, "But you don't have anything to use to gather water from this deep well, are you saying you are greater than our father Jacob who made this well? He drank from it himself!"
Looking into the deep well he smiled, and turning to her he said "“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”'
"Never thirst again?" she thought, "I would never have to come to this well in this heat, never have to suffer ridicule from the people here, never?" Her heart beat wildly at the thought and before she knew what she was saying, because his words still baffled her at how this could be true, she asked "Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."
"Go and bring your husband" he said to her, his eyes were too much for her.
There. There was the blow. She thought of how silly she had been to open herself up to a Stranger, and no less a Jew. Now he would know her. There was no chance of this life giving water now. With her head bowed she whispered "I have no husband."
“You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”
"Someone told him, He knows, but why must he put it back in my face?" She whispered to herself. She thought that changing the subject to something more interesting than her self would get his mind off of her past, but to no avail. He answered her with ease when she mentioned the prophets, and after explaining the Truth to her she was frustrated. She said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”
Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am He.”
For that moment, everything stopped. She could hear and feel nothing but the beat of her heart beating so wildly that she thought she would faint, spilling over right into Jacobs well. It's Him.
Just then the other men came back, they were talking about what a great deal they had just got on the food they carried in their arms, but their mouths hung open when they saw her. No one dared ask her what she wanted or why He was talking with her. They just stood there.
Reality came to light, she wasn't dreaming. It was Him. Before she realized what she was doing she put the vessel down and ran into the town. She no longer cared what they thought about her, they had to see Him. “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him. They found Him and believed. It didn't matter what the woman had told them, they had seen Jesus. They had heard Him speak the words of Life and believed. She was never the same again, her heart found the Living Water it was thirsting for...
*This story line was taken from the story of the "woman at the well". It's based on John 4.
Some called her "harlot", others would not give her the decency of even looking at her. Mothers told their daughters that this is that kind of woman. Their daughters spit on her as she walked by. The noon day heat was easier to bear than the whispers of other woman at the usual meeting time- when the air was cooler. Everyday she visited this well, and everyday her heart came away as dry as before. Nothing- or no one could fill the void deep inside her. But this would not be like the other times she visited the well. This time, a Man was there.
It was a long journey for this handful of men and their Master was tired. He sat down on the well. They called it Jacobs well. He was just so tired, and this noon-day heat was gloating in its strength.
He saw her coming from a distance. It was strange to draw water at such a hot point in the day but He knew. He knew everything about this woman.
"What are they doing here?" She breathed deeply and thought about turning back. The emotion was strong, but so was this heat. She just wanted to get this chore over with and draw back into herself. Into the place she couldn't be hurt by what others thought of her. By now some of the men in this group had gone into town. There was just one Man left. "I can do this" she told herself, "there is only one of them, and he will probably leave as I approach anyway." So many had deserted her before, why not this man who probably knew who she was?
"Will you give me a drink?" His voice shattered the silence and she almost dropped her water vessel. He was a Jew, she could see that now. She was a Samaritan! They would rather ask a camel for a drink than to share a vessel with a Samaritan. Who was this man? "Do you know who I am? How is it that you ask me for something to drink!" Warmly he looked at her, his gaze penetrating deep into her heart, loosing something that was bound for years. " If you only knew of the water I have to give to you, you would be asking me for something to drink." Now she was confused, "But you don't have anything to use to gather water from this deep well, are you saying you are greater than our father Jacob who made this well? He drank from it himself!"
Looking into the deep well he smiled, and turning to her he said "“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”'
"Never thirst again?" she thought, "I would never have to come to this well in this heat, never have to suffer ridicule from the people here, never?" Her heart beat wildly at the thought and before she knew what she was saying, because his words still baffled her at how this could be true, she asked "Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."
"Go and bring your husband" he said to her, his eyes were too much for her.
There. There was the blow. She thought of how silly she had been to open herself up to a Stranger, and no less a Jew. Now he would know her. There was no chance of this life giving water now. With her head bowed she whispered "I have no husband."
“You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”
"Someone told him, He knows, but why must he put it back in my face?" She whispered to herself. She thought that changing the subject to something more interesting than her self would get his mind off of her past, but to no avail. He answered her with ease when she mentioned the prophets, and after explaining the Truth to her she was frustrated. She said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”
Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am He.”
For that moment, everything stopped. She could hear and feel nothing but the beat of her heart beating so wildly that she thought she would faint, spilling over right into Jacobs well. It's Him.
Just then the other men came back, they were talking about what a great deal they had just got on the food they carried in their arms, but their mouths hung open when they saw her. No one dared ask her what she wanted or why He was talking with her. They just stood there.
Reality came to light, she wasn't dreaming. It was Him. Before she realized what she was doing she put the vessel down and ran into the town. She no longer cared what they thought about her, they had to see Him. “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” They came out of the town and made their way toward him. They found Him and believed. It didn't matter what the woman had told them, they had seen Jesus. They had heard Him speak the words of Life and believed. She was never the same again, her heart found the Living Water it was thirsting for...
*This story line was taken from the story of the "woman at the well". It's based on John 4.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Discouraged. Burdened.
If you are one who is offended easily, I ask that you don't continue reading this, if you are willing to walk this road with me, welcome to my world at the moment.. Realize I'm not a fancy writer, and I am a woman which means you will hear emotion. You have been warned.
Something that has completely been plaguing my soul is materialism among Christians- myself included. It's one of those things that I will never fully get a grip on, and I'm aware of that, but something that God has really been working in my heart about. The problem is that it can depress me when I see it around me. It feels like walking into a smoke filled room and not being able to catch some fresh air for my suffocating lungs. Strong imagery- maybe. But I'm simply being honest here. It can literally flatten me. Recently this happened where a Christian purchased something that floored me. I looked at this item and thought that it in no way matched the life they say they valued. But how much of it is just my opinion- and how much of what I feel is a righteous anger? That's the something that I haven't figured out quite yet. It can be hard to sort through because the thoughts and emotions are intense and strong. I think of what Jesus had and it was pretty close to nothing. He had the sandals on his feet, the cloak on his back and no where to rest his head, no kitchen to come home to with stocked fridges. I hear Christians say all the time "well, God wants us to enjoy what He has given us." Ok, I can agree to a point. But at what point are we interpreting what "enjoy" means? He has given us a beautiful world to enjoy- flowers, mountains, trees, oceans, beautiful views. But does this mean that as a Christian I can "enjoy" my beach house in FL and my boat in the dock, my cabinet full of all I love to eat/drink, etc? Hopefully you get where I'm going with this. What does it mean as a Christian to store up treasures on earth and to store up treasures in heaven? Where's the balance? Where does "give all you have an follow me" come into play?
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:18-20
All the time I see Christians living in immaculate fancy houses, driving brand new cars and living a lifestyle that is, frankly, pretty expensive. Sometimes I want that life. Sometimes I see that nice car and think " man, all I've had are "lemons" so far and boy would it be nice to cruise around in that car." Then I have to ask for forgiveness for coveting, and think about what we are able to give and do because we don't "live fancy". It's pretty humbling and I ask myself why I care about that stuff in the first place. "I like nice things" I think to myself often "Man, it would be nice to buy something instead of making it", or "<sigh> it gets SO tiring to penny pinch all the time and to have this budget." But ALL of this is Satan's way of getting me to desire the "American dream" or simply- what I don't have. In reality I want to live the "Heavenly dream" and get to heaven with nothing! But what do I do in the meantime with the hoards of Christians I see asking people to give to God's work, yet they live in houses that look JUST like the neighbor next to them who doesn't know Christ. If I was a lost person, I think I might have a hard time with that- wouldn't you? I mean, Jesus lived pretty much like a homeless person. Yet we strive for all of this "stuff"- what are we? We are missing the point. Now I don't think that we should all walk around without a home, but the point is- what do we do with what we have?
When i die - the last thing I want God to say to me is "you failed to give". I don't know what giving looks like in the life of each individual believer, but I believe it looks a lot different than how we are doing it currently. Where is our trust that God will supply all our needs? How do we have wisdom to save to provide for our families but not hoard? I don't know. But I wish I did. I wish that I could turn off my brain when I see Christians living in excess so that I don't have to process how I feel about it. I don't know why I care so much to be honest!!! It's just plaguing me.
Matthew 19:21
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Luke 12:33
Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.
We as Americans have so much. I forget that sometimes. But all it takes is pulling out my "memory lane" book in my head and remembering my times with the less fortunate. Oh, then I remember - fast. I remember what hunger looks like. I remember what being cold feels like. I remember what sickness smells like. And I purge. I purge our home of stuff, I find people to give to. I ask forgiveness from God for falling into the greed I see around me. I really don't want to sound like I hate everybody with money- that's simply not true and if you know me, you will already realize that. What I hate is how blinded we can be to the blessings and glory (for the Lord) there is in giving ourselves and our possessions away. We are first hand recipients of this! About 80% of everything we have has been given to us. Or sold to us at a miraculously low rate. I know that some "big name" preachers have felt this because they write about it. They sell their homes to live in something 1/3 of the size. I don't think I'm the only one with this burden. And I'm not the only one feeling the tug-o-war between what God wants and what the World is advertising for us. Everyday we are solicited. It can be hard to ignore. They know their stuff!! They know how to entice you and get you to want what they have to offer. It's one of the reasons we don't watch TV shows. I know that if I watch designer home shows that i will covet. I will look at my house and not be satisfied- Oh God forgive me!!! We have been given SO much, have I said that already- here goes my heart again. Do not take this as a judgement,I confess that I have judged people before, but this was written simply to process- not judge. This "thought purge" will be left unfinished because the truth is that I don't know the answers to my questions, God's not finished with me yet. And I cannot type while I cry.
Something that has completely been plaguing my soul is materialism among Christians- myself included. It's one of those things that I will never fully get a grip on, and I'm aware of that, but something that God has really been working in my heart about. The problem is that it can depress me when I see it around me. It feels like walking into a smoke filled room and not being able to catch some fresh air for my suffocating lungs. Strong imagery- maybe. But I'm simply being honest here. It can literally flatten me. Recently this happened where a Christian purchased something that floored me. I looked at this item and thought that it in no way matched the life they say they valued. But how much of it is just my opinion- and how much of what I feel is a righteous anger? That's the something that I haven't figured out quite yet. It can be hard to sort through because the thoughts and emotions are intense and strong. I think of what Jesus had and it was pretty close to nothing. He had the sandals on his feet, the cloak on his back and no where to rest his head, no kitchen to come home to with stocked fridges. I hear Christians say all the time "well, God wants us to enjoy what He has given us." Ok, I can agree to a point. But at what point are we interpreting what "enjoy" means? He has given us a beautiful world to enjoy- flowers, mountains, trees, oceans, beautiful views. But does this mean that as a Christian I can "enjoy" my beach house in FL and my boat in the dock, my cabinet full of all I love to eat/drink, etc? Hopefully you get where I'm going with this. What does it mean as a Christian to store up treasures on earth and to store up treasures in heaven? Where's the balance? Where does "give all you have an follow me" come into play?
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:18-20
All the time I see Christians living in immaculate fancy houses, driving brand new cars and living a lifestyle that is, frankly, pretty expensive. Sometimes I want that life. Sometimes I see that nice car and think " man, all I've had are "lemons" so far and boy would it be nice to cruise around in that car." Then I have to ask for forgiveness for coveting, and think about what we are able to give and do because we don't "live fancy". It's pretty humbling and I ask myself why I care about that stuff in the first place. "I like nice things" I think to myself often "Man, it would be nice to buy something instead of making it", or "<sigh> it gets SO tiring to penny pinch all the time and to have this budget." But ALL of this is Satan's way of getting me to desire the "American dream" or simply- what I don't have. In reality I want to live the "Heavenly dream" and get to heaven with nothing! But what do I do in the meantime with the hoards of Christians I see asking people to give to God's work, yet they live in houses that look JUST like the neighbor next to them who doesn't know Christ. If I was a lost person, I think I might have a hard time with that- wouldn't you? I mean, Jesus lived pretty much like a homeless person. Yet we strive for all of this "stuff"- what are we? We are missing the point. Now I don't think that we should all walk around without a home, but the point is- what do we do with what we have?
When i die - the last thing I want God to say to me is "you failed to give". I don't know what giving looks like in the life of each individual believer, but I believe it looks a lot different than how we are doing it currently. Where is our trust that God will supply all our needs? How do we have wisdom to save to provide for our families but not hoard? I don't know. But I wish I did. I wish that I could turn off my brain when I see Christians living in excess so that I don't have to process how I feel about it. I don't know why I care so much to be honest!!! It's just plaguing me.
Matthew 19:21
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Luke 12:33
Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.
We as Americans have so much. I forget that sometimes. But all it takes is pulling out my "memory lane" book in my head and remembering my times with the less fortunate. Oh, then I remember - fast. I remember what hunger looks like. I remember what being cold feels like. I remember what sickness smells like. And I purge. I purge our home of stuff, I find people to give to. I ask forgiveness from God for falling into the greed I see around me. I really don't want to sound like I hate everybody with money- that's simply not true and if you know me, you will already realize that. What I hate is how blinded we can be to the blessings and glory (for the Lord) there is in giving ourselves and our possessions away. We are first hand recipients of this! About 80% of everything we have has been given to us. Or sold to us at a miraculously low rate. I know that some "big name" preachers have felt this because they write about it. They sell their homes to live in something 1/3 of the size. I don't think I'm the only one with this burden. And I'm not the only one feeling the tug-o-war between what God wants and what the World is advertising for us. Everyday we are solicited. It can be hard to ignore. They know their stuff!! They know how to entice you and get you to want what they have to offer. It's one of the reasons we don't watch TV shows. I know that if I watch designer home shows that i will covet. I will look at my house and not be satisfied- Oh God forgive me!!! We have been given SO much, have I said that already- here goes my heart again. Do not take this as a judgement,I confess that I have judged people before, but this was written simply to process- not judge. This "thought purge" will be left unfinished because the truth is that I don't know the answers to my questions, God's not finished with me yet. And I cannot type while I cry.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Blissful rest...
Bliss. If I had to pick one work to describe this weekend that would be it. David and I packed up our necessities and headed to St. Joseph, MI for the weekend. We didn't know what to expect but I just prayed that God would give our hearts and minds some rest. We have been pretty busy the last few weeks and we always feel that we miss out on the most precious joys of life when we are too busy-each other and the Lord. It was wonderful to sit on the edge of a "cliff" and enjoy the gorgeous raw view of Lake Michigan, slightly tarnished by man but still in all of it's glory. Beautiful. We enjoyed the friendly people walking through the downtown. We even enjoyed staying at a Super 8 hotel- something we worried would be a downer. It was a clean and nice hotel, and the receptionist even gave us the room with new flooring (Bonus!). I really am learning to relax. It is an art form in this life, I'm convinced of that. By rest I don't mean that we live our lives on our couches sipping Coke and catching up with TV shows, I mean rest. That mental state where you fall into the arms of Jesus and un-tense all of your mental and physical muscles. As we enjoyed the blessings of God, the gorgeous sunshine, the warm air and cool breeze it hit me, this is what we have all of the time in Jesus if we just choose it. Maybe not physically, but mentally and spiritually, yes.
Work (in general) is a blessing, through it God provides all kinds of things. He provides money to keep the lights on, character building people to work with, joy and sweat, satisfaction in a job well done and more. But he means for us to rest. In my minds eye I see God looking down at us like ants in an anthill. They seem to never stop, running here and there, I know there's a method to their madness but to me it looks just like that- madness. I believe that in the madness God is trying to speak to us. Why are you striving so much? To earn my love? To forget the past? To measure up to that person you put in front of my love and standard? Have you forgotten that even I have rested, how much more important is it for you? These are things that I think my be a real "pulse" of American society. Why is it that couples forget who they married? Busyness. They think that work, kids or whatever else they put in the "God and each other" spot is the most important thing and it puts everything else out of whack. When I'm under stress I feel it in my neck, shoulders and upper back. One day the pain was so bad that I couldn't go to work, when I had a massage therapist friend work out my muscles, she told me that the pain I was experiencing was a muscle that was connected across my shoulder to the lower part of my back! Sure enough, I felt it both places when she worked on my lower back. Isn't this how it can be in our lives? When I am feeling unsure of God's love for me, I start to doubt that David could love me, and it puts stress on both relationships. Where is the stress in our lives? What are we holding onto that is taking away from our "first love"? Rest. Remember surrender. Rest in the love that God has for us, that the victory is ours in Jesus. Rest. Rest that our sins are washed away, our night is turned to day! Rest. My friend, are you in need of some rest?
Work (in general) is a blessing, through it God provides all kinds of things. He provides money to keep the lights on, character building people to work with, joy and sweat, satisfaction in a job well done and more. But he means for us to rest. In my minds eye I see God looking down at us like ants in an anthill. They seem to never stop, running here and there, I know there's a method to their madness but to me it looks just like that- madness. I believe that in the madness God is trying to speak to us. Why are you striving so much? To earn my love? To forget the past? To measure up to that person you put in front of my love and standard? Have you forgotten that even I have rested, how much more important is it for you? These are things that I think my be a real "pulse" of American society. Why is it that couples forget who they married? Busyness. They think that work, kids or whatever else they put in the "God and each other" spot is the most important thing and it puts everything else out of whack. When I'm under stress I feel it in my neck, shoulders and upper back. One day the pain was so bad that I couldn't go to work, when I had a massage therapist friend work out my muscles, she told me that the pain I was experiencing was a muscle that was connected across my shoulder to the lower part of my back! Sure enough, I felt it both places when she worked on my lower back. Isn't this how it can be in our lives? When I am feeling unsure of God's love for me, I start to doubt that David could love me, and it puts stress on both relationships. Where is the stress in our lives? What are we holding onto that is taking away from our "first love"? Rest. Remember surrender. Rest in the love that God has for us, that the victory is ours in Jesus. Rest. Rest that our sins are washed away, our night is turned to day! Rest. My friend, are you in need of some rest?
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Inventory
I don't know why, but lately I've been doing some inventory of my life. Thinking of the people and circumstances that God has used to mold me into who I am today. The biggest question I'm chewing on right now is, "what could I have done differently to erase the black marks on my past." It's a painful question to contemplate.There are so many things I wish I could change about my past, people I wish I could apologize to and so on. What I've been learning as I read God's Word is that He is in my past, present and future. There is nothing I can do about the past except use it to make me live differently for today. This is good, but can still be somewhat unsatisfying. What is satisfying is to know that God is able to use all things for his Glory and my good. Sometimes, like today, I am able to stumble across someone or some situation from my past and see a glimmer of God's hope is that life/situation. What a blessing. It makes me think that living for Christ is a like working on a muscle, once you stop, the muscle weakens and deteriorates, but if you keep at it your endurance and strength will grow and you can do more. The muscle tears to be built up. Maybe those circumstances I wish I could change was a tear in my muscle for Christ. He used it to build me up in Him. He's amazing, and I learn that more each day..
Monday, January 2, 2012
Much-Afraid
Lately I've been reading Hinds Feet on High Places, which has really made me think more than usual. The book is an allegory about our walk of Faith in Christ (and with Him). Much-Afraid is the main character and she is following the Shepherd to the High Places, with her companions Suffering and Sorrow. Meanwhile her Fearing relatives are close behind (Bitterness, Resentment, Pride and Craven Fear) doing everything they can to bring her back to where she's from: The Valley of Humiliation. It's a book that I can relate to vividly. If each Christian were honest with themselves I think they would be able to pinpoint their greatest foothold or sin issue- mine is fear.
Much-Afraid goes through many trials and painful situations that the Shepherd brings her through, while trying to fight off the extremely persuasive comments of her relatives. She fails, stumbles and doubts, and each time she does she (eventually) cries out to the Shepherd to rushes to her side instantly. He never condemns, never judges, never scolds. He is compassionate, full of love, understanding and grace. Yet each time she falls she fears him.
Again, I am so much like Much-Afraid. When I have hidden my face from Jesus because I haven't "measured up" in my mind, I cower in the corner like a dog afraid of being whipped. Never has He dealt with me in this way. Sure, He has given me different companions over the years like Suffering, Sorrow, Loneliness and the like, but these are to make me more like Him. These are tools he uses to mold and shape us into his likeness
It's so dangerous as a believer to look at trials as something to rush out of. Sometimes we miss the lesson that God has for us. I know this all too well because, like anyone else, I don't like to feel uncomfortable. But it's necessary. Never once have I felt or read where God acted like a "meanie" in his dealings with His children. This life is about Him, it's about surrendering our schedules, agendas, hopes, plans, goals and ambitions over to His will and purposes. He wants to do so much in our lives if we will only turn to him like Much-Afraid and believe that nothing in the world matters except following the will of the One she loved, no matter what it involved or cost.
Much-Afraid goes through many trials and painful situations that the Shepherd brings her through, while trying to fight off the extremely persuasive comments of her relatives. She fails, stumbles and doubts, and each time she does she (eventually) cries out to the Shepherd to rushes to her side instantly. He never condemns, never judges, never scolds. He is compassionate, full of love, understanding and grace. Yet each time she falls she fears him.
Again, I am so much like Much-Afraid. When I have hidden my face from Jesus because I haven't "measured up" in my mind, I cower in the corner like a dog afraid of being whipped. Never has He dealt with me in this way. Sure, He has given me different companions over the years like Suffering, Sorrow, Loneliness and the like, but these are to make me more like Him. These are tools he uses to mold and shape us into his likeness
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1)Much-Afraid continues on her journey and with each trial trusts more in her Shepherd that she loves so much. She finally reaches the High Places and is transformed into what the Shepherd saw her as the whole time.
It's so dangerous as a believer to look at trials as something to rush out of. Sometimes we miss the lesson that God has for us. I know this all too well because, like anyone else, I don't like to feel uncomfortable. But it's necessary. Never once have I felt or read where God acted like a "meanie" in his dealings with His children. This life is about Him, it's about surrendering our schedules, agendas, hopes, plans, goals and ambitions over to His will and purposes. He wants to do so much in our lives if we will only turn to him like Much-Afraid and believe that nothing in the world matters except following the will of the One she loved, no matter what it involved or cost.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Modern Day Joseph
Recently I have studied the life of Joseph in the Bible. Genesis 37-47 is what I read.. My mind is actually kind of swimming at the moment because of all this man went through from the age of 17 on to his late forties!
All of us have situations and people in our lives that hurt us or are still in the process of hurting us. Sometimes, like when Joseph seeing his brother for the first time since they sold him, we have the opportunity to bless instead of curse those who have wronged us. What is our choice going to be? Are we going to be like Jesus who cried out "Father, forgive them" when he looked at his persecutors? I hope to be that person. Are you going to choose to be a Modern Day Joseph?
Forgiveness and bitterness can be something that grips your life. I know some people who will die wrapped up in the bitterness of a myriad of things from their past. Do I want to be one of those people? Do you? No, of course not. But letting go can be something that feels so hard it's almost impossible. Especially depending on the closeness of the people who hurt you. Take Joseph for example, his own father esteemed him to a very unhealthy point- his brothers hated him for being "daddy's little boy". They hated him so much that even though he begged for his life they still sold him into slavery. That's cold. Real cold. I can imagine the monster of bitterness was breathing heavily on Josephs neck at that point. In this case, both parties (his dad and his brothers) did him wrong. There is such thing as unhealthy love (which really isn't love at all). The awesome thing through this nasty mess of family drama, God was with him.
It's so true that when you are a Child of God, no matter how hard things are in your life, God is with you. I have to use all fingers and toes to count the amount of times that God has been there through the most excruciating times of my life, with some of them not being that long ago. No one can feel the depths of your pain like God can. Jesus remembers Calvary, but he also loved his persecutors while hanging on the tree.
The next main part in Josephs story? well, it wasn't all that bad at first! He had a break from the horrid time in his life and was actually put in charge of one of Pharaohs captains house (Gen 39:1)! The Bible says the Lord was with Joseph at this time and the captain (Potiphar) really liked Joseph... But, life is not always easy and when we want it to be, we hardly grow at all! Pain is always around the corner, but it is used greatly to bring us closer to our God and Saviour. In this case, Potiphars wife was angry with Joseph for not sleeping with her and framed him to make her husband think that he did! AGAIN, Joseph was the object of someone's hatred and sin. He was thrown in prison. God was still with him though!
I see this like visioning a child falling on a bike scraping their knee and God being the one to say "It's ok, I'm here and I'm going to help you. Pretty soon you'll be riding this thing with no hands! Get up and keep going."
I'll let you read the rest of the story, but through it all Joseph chose to forgive. There are several times where the Bible says he wept. Being hurt to these degrees comes with it's own scars that never really go away,but they can stop hurting after a while. Tears bring healing in my opinion. My favorite verses in the entire story are these, it was said by Joseph himself to his brothers after revealing his identity to them in Egypt.
"And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life....And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors...So it was not you who sent me here, but God." (Gen 45:5b,7a,8a)Through it all, Joseph understood that God had a plan. He was molding and shaping him into who God wanted him to be and sometimes that hurts. When people hurt you, try to remember this. I have to remember it also. A wise friend once asked me this question: ask God for the understanding of how these people hurting you, are for the good of you- how are they molding you? how are they shaping you in the eyes of Jesus?
All of us have situations and people in our lives that hurt us or are still in the process of hurting us. Sometimes, like when Joseph seeing his brother for the first time since they sold him, we have the opportunity to bless instead of curse those who have wronged us. What is our choice going to be? Are we going to be like Jesus who cried out "Father, forgive them" when he looked at his persecutors? I hope to be that person. Are you going to choose to be a Modern Day Joseph?
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The End of the Matter
"The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil." Ecc 12:13-14This is the verse that has been on my heart lately. It's a power punch to the gut and also one that simplifies everything. There it is, "the whole duty of man". I don't think Solomon could have made it anymore plain and simple than that, and he sure had a while to think about it too (12 chapters of writing's worth). But to actually fear God, or to respect and make God a part of every thought, word and decision, well- that's a pretty tall order to fill. Then, the judgement. This makes me tremble really, because every secret thing being made visible is a pretty scary thought. The whole reason anything is done in secret is because you don't want anyone to know about it! Yet another reminder that we are never truly alone. He is always there. Here's the thing that really baffles me (even though I embrace it) , yes, He's always there but never in judgment of those who are truly His children. The reason is Christ. What a wonderful assurance! The Old Testament believers didn't have that assurance like we do because of being under the old Covenant- which really makes me thankful for being under the new Covenant! Still, I don't always live in this wonderful assurance. I lose my "cool", have a bad attitude, make a judgmental remark, and still look over my shoulder in doubt of God's love. How thankful I am that Christ is our hope and heaven is our home! He is so gentle to remind us when we forget, isn't He? I can even forget that he's gentle! Hm, the end of the matter, yes, there are always things that are "the matter" but HE is the end of it, the beginning and middle. It's all about Him. This life is just the "great distraction" and we are to live in it, and fight our way, through the muck and mud of this world, to heaven. I have to admit that I'm tired. Tired of fighting and tired of being in this place. This world is a "Beautiful Letdown" as the band Switchfoot would say. That song is the theme of my life in a song form.
In a world full of bitter painSo, I will continue to carry a cross and song where I don't belong. And strive to remember "The end of the matter" - nothing matters that isn't for God and isn't in accordance with His Word. I will continue to fail, continue to lose my cool, continue to not speak in truth or kindness at times- but this is all part of carrying the cross. It's all nailed there and paid for and the scarred body of my Saviour is waiting for me in heaven to review an account of my life that's been covered by His blood. Because of that, I don't belong here. I belong with Him, in his arms and forever praising Him.
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
I don't belong
Good night,
Rachel
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Gone
Lately, I can't help but hit "back" on the CD player in my car to hear the song "Gone" by Switchfoot played for the 4th, 5th and 6th time. It's one of those catchy "head bopping" songs, that when it's over turns out to be a real eye opener. Basically the song is talking about how our life is so quick, and we are mostly living it like we "are immortal"- like we have all the time in the world, and also wasting our lives on things that are worthless and don't matter at all. The more I live, the more I see this all around me. We waste so much time, but yet we spend SO much $$ and concern on ways and things to make us feel younger and look younger. I work in an environment where I see people spending hundreds of dollars on themselves, just to look better (and then have to spend the same amount in 6 weeks). In the magazines, Kim Kardashian was noted to have spent millions on her (2nd) wedding day. We live for lattes, the latest trends, video games, decor ideas, etc,etc.. But who promises us tomorrow? No one. What are we doing with today? That is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Funny how God can use something as small as a song to get our attention, huh?
Yesterday I was thinking about all of this again, and when my husband came home I asked him a question regarding an article I read about personality types. The article talked about the difference between a people-oriented type, and a task-oriented type. On first glance I thought "oh, certainly I'm a people oriented type!" but after reading further I thought, "oh... I'm definitely more task-oriented" and it made me think about how I'm doing with living life for eternity (think of the "Gone" song) and how I'm loving God and people (re-read the verse)... Uh-oh....
My husbands response to my question of whether or not he thought I was more people or task oriented, (because, your spouse knows you better than anyone) was not exactly what I wanted to hear: "I'd say you are more task-oriented, babe". Drat.
The problem is that I can put my tasks before the people in my life (and my Lord). I'm very thankful that God knows my heart, but I fear that I have hurt people because they can see accomplishments getting in the way of how or when I love them, make sense? With a task oriented person, there is a great danger in people feeling unloved or left out due to schedules, tasks and a busyness that comes from being this personality type. But this is never how I intend to make people feel. Yet, I'm thankful to have been shown this flaw (in case you were wondering if I had any *ha ha*) because I want to live life for eternity. Jesus warned me that tomorrow has enough troubles of it's own, and like with everything, He is right. I want to plan for today and eternity, not tomorrow. See the difference? I hope you have been challenged by reading this. We MUST live for what's important! The world can suck us into a vacuum of selfishness and draw us into things that DO. NOT. MATTER. Friends, Christ is NEVER going to ask you if you wore your makeup everyday, or if you didn't wear white after labor day, or if you made sure the dishes got cleaned everyday, or if you made it to every game practice and the list goes on and on in our lives of things that we get caught up in that He couldn't care less about.
I'm still evaluating what things in my life I need to sacrifice for Him or the people I love. What are you going to do?
Thanks for listening,
Love- Rachel
What are the things that really matter? Well, I believe God has something to say about this.
And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27Love God. Love People. Sounds simple, right? Yes, it is actually. Easy? About as easy and juggling three elephants. There are many references in the Bible that talk about loving God and people, it's clearly a huge theme. Jesus Christ died the most horrendous death in history to save us, out of Love for God the Father and us. That's enough to make me stop playing that Switchfoot song again, so I can stop and think.
Yesterday I was thinking about all of this again, and when my husband came home I asked him a question regarding an article I read about personality types. The article talked about the difference between a people-oriented type, and a task-oriented type. On first glance I thought "oh, certainly I'm a people oriented type!" but after reading further I thought, "oh... I'm definitely more task-oriented" and it made me think about how I'm doing with living life for eternity (think of the "Gone" song) and how I'm loving God and people (re-read the verse)... Uh-oh....
My husbands response to my question of whether or not he thought I was more people or task oriented, (because, your spouse knows you better than anyone) was not exactly what I wanted to hear: "I'd say you are more task-oriented, babe". Drat.
The problem is that I can put my tasks before the people in my life (and my Lord). I'm very thankful that God knows my heart, but I fear that I have hurt people because they can see accomplishments getting in the way of how or when I love them, make sense? With a task oriented person, there is a great danger in people feeling unloved or left out due to schedules, tasks and a busyness that comes from being this personality type. But this is never how I intend to make people feel. Yet, I'm thankful to have been shown this flaw (in case you were wondering if I had any *ha ha*) because I want to live life for eternity. Jesus warned me that tomorrow has enough troubles of it's own, and like with everything, He is right. I want to plan for today and eternity, not tomorrow. See the difference? I hope you have been challenged by reading this. We MUST live for what's important! The world can suck us into a vacuum of selfishness and draw us into things that DO. NOT. MATTER. Friends, Christ is NEVER going to ask you if you wore your makeup everyday, or if you didn't wear white after labor day, or if you made sure the dishes got cleaned everyday, or if you made it to every game practice and the list goes on and on in our lives of things that we get caught up in that He couldn't care less about.
I'm still evaluating what things in my life I need to sacrifice for Him or the people I love. What are you going to do?
Thanks for listening,
Love- Rachel
Monday, March 28, 2011
Spring life!
I love this time of the year, when the birds come back after hiding from Winter and the leaves start waking up, the weather gets warmer and everything starts saying "new life!". David and I have had a blast over these past 3 1/2 months of our "new life" together. It's been full of exciting things, new things, challenging things and life never seems to slow down. We are so thankful for each other, and I thank God that I married this man. He is my number #2 in life (the Lord being #1) and I grow to love him more deeply each day. We just thought about how we love each other more now, than we did on our wedding day!
Many of you know that David has a new job. We praise the Lord for that!! It's been wonderful to have a set schedule for him so that we can plan to be with friends and family and be able to go to church together each Sunday. David works in a printing office for Oce Business Services. It's a pretty easy job, which is a set-up from Ponderosa where he worked so hard and long that even walking in the door after work was a challenge! We are able to spend our evenings together which is my favorite part of the day!
I am enrolled in new classes for the Summer, Math 118 and Critical thinking. I'm excited to be two classes closer to finishing my degree with Moody! Lately I've been praying about how the Lord is going to use my degree for His glory and work in ministry. If you think of me, please pray for this also.
We know that the Lord has big plans for our marriage. David and I are very firm on the belief that marriage is a team effort and we are one in Christ. We sense that the Lord is making us new everyday in little and big ways, we have enjoyed times of prayer together as we seek out what God has in store. This Spring is very exciting and we are anticipating what's next!
We love hearing from our friends and family, so please don't hesitate to let us know how we can be praying for you!
-R
Many of you know that David has a new job. We praise the Lord for that!! It's been wonderful to have a set schedule for him so that we can plan to be with friends and family and be able to go to church together each Sunday. David works in a printing office for Oce Business Services. It's a pretty easy job, which is a set-up from Ponderosa where he worked so hard and long that even walking in the door after work was a challenge! We are able to spend our evenings together which is my favorite part of the day!
I am enrolled in new classes for the Summer, Math 118 and Critical thinking. I'm excited to be two classes closer to finishing my degree with Moody! Lately I've been praying about how the Lord is going to use my degree for His glory and work in ministry. If you think of me, please pray for this also.
We know that the Lord has big plans for our marriage. David and I are very firm on the belief that marriage is a team effort and we are one in Christ. We sense that the Lord is making us new everyday in little and big ways, we have enjoyed times of prayer together as we seek out what God has in store. This Spring is very exciting and we are anticipating what's next!
We love hearing from our friends and family, so please don't hesitate to let us know how we can be praying for you!
-R
Monday, February 7, 2011
School and such
Hi Friends!
Well, this post is about schooling. If you would pray for me- I would appreciate it! Lately (I'll be open with you here) it's been a struggle to be motivated to do school. Not because I don't like school, but because the general education classes I'm taking have NOTHING to do with my degree. Bleh. I know you are probably thinking "that's life", and I hear you. None the less, the prayers are appreciated! :)
I would love to get involved in a teaching atmosphere with my degree. For those who may know that I'm going to school, but not know what for- my degree will be Bible/Theology. So, it would be great to get into a college setting (if I can do that without a masters), or be able to have a more flexible teaching type job. I have no idea what that will look like, but the Lord knows. David is very supportive of my schooling and I'm grateful for that because he gives me the motivation I need. We could also use prayer on the $$ part of school. We have a "baby marriage" that is not inexpensive (like you know all about if you are married!), so setting up our life together plus trying to finish school is a task that we take seriously, but understand that we really need the Lord to fund it for us!
Recently my friend from Moody Bible Institute sent out an update that someone paid for her schooling bill of $1,500 just in time before the school would penalize her for a late payment (even keeping her from graduating this May!). God is so faithful. When we TRUST Him and look to Him, He does come through for us. David was telling me last night "Rach, God WANTS us to bother Him [in prayer], the more we do that the more He loves it and wants to answer our prayers!" Just like we want to hear from our friends and love to help them. Sheesh, can you imagine how happy God is when we come to Him!? What faith that is! Like the Word says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God." (Hebrews 11:6). David and I desire to please God with our faith. Life is hard, but God is always good. Always. We know He will accomplish His good will in our lives, with school and whatever else. What do you need to trust HIm for today? -RZ
Well, this post is about schooling. If you would pray for me- I would appreciate it! Lately (I'll be open with you here) it's been a struggle to be motivated to do school. Not because I don't like school, but because the general education classes I'm taking have NOTHING to do with my degree. Bleh. I know you are probably thinking "that's life", and I hear you. None the less, the prayers are appreciated! :)
I would love to get involved in a teaching atmosphere with my degree. For those who may know that I'm going to school, but not know what for- my degree will be Bible/Theology. So, it would be great to get into a college setting (if I can do that without a masters), or be able to have a more flexible teaching type job. I have no idea what that will look like, but the Lord knows. David is very supportive of my schooling and I'm grateful for that because he gives me the motivation I need. We could also use prayer on the $$ part of school. We have a "baby marriage" that is not inexpensive (like you know all about if you are married!), so setting up our life together plus trying to finish school is a task that we take seriously, but understand that we really need the Lord to fund it for us!
Recently my friend from Moody Bible Institute sent out an update that someone paid for her schooling bill of $1,500 just in time before the school would penalize her for a late payment (even keeping her from graduating this May!). God is so faithful. When we TRUST Him and look to Him, He does come through for us. David was telling me last night "Rach, God WANTS us to bother Him [in prayer], the more we do that the more He loves it and wants to answer our prayers!" Just like we want to hear from our friends and love to help them. Sheesh, can you imagine how happy God is when we come to Him!? What faith that is! Like the Word says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God." (Hebrews 11:6). David and I desire to please God with our faith. Life is hard, but God is always good. Always. We know He will accomplish His good will in our lives, with school and whatever else. What do you need to trust HIm for today? -RZ
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
SNOW DAY!
David and I are both very happy though, we get a day to spend together because both of our work places decided that it was best to keep everyone at home (thanks Panache and Ponderosa!).
Sometimes I wonder if God sends a storm like this to make people slow down, have you ever thought about that before? Life is SO fast paced. I constantly wish there were more hours in the day. That's why I'm thankful for days like today when I get a chance to actually sit and take time to be thankful for the things that God has placed in my life. My amazing husband, our warm home (and provisions), the grace of God that keeps us going everyday- and the simpler things like sleeping in, and pancakes and coffee like we had this morning (Yum!). I hope that no matter where you are, God gives you your own "snow day" so you can sit and relax and be thankful for the finer and simpler things in life. Ok, this is short because I need to get back to our snow day! -RZ
No snow in Texas, but they do get creative!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Married and lovin' it!
So, marriage is awesome. It's totally worth the wait too! I've been telling a lot of people lately- "Marriage is awesome when you have the right person, it would be awful if you "just got married" to anyone and have to live with a poor choice for the rest of your life!" I'm so thankful I married who God had prepared! There is such pressure in our society for young people to be married young. It's sad! There are many I know of who have this feeling of "if I don't get married before I'm 20 years old then I must not be attractive or something is wrong with me." I've seriously heard that said. If you are one of those people and are reading this right now, take heart and know that God is watching over you and KNOWS who you are to marry WHEN you are to marry them! :) If you're anything like me they might be your current best friend-that's who I married!
There are so many people we have to thank for making our day beautiful! Nothing went wrong that day. I was absolutely overjoyed with how my dress turned out! The food was delicious! The music was super fun! The ceremony was wonderful! It was a dream come true. Walking down the aisle to my best friend is a memory that is forever locked in my mind. We have so enjoyed these first 5 weeks of marriage. They have been filled with challenges (the kind you rise up to and grow together from), sheer joy and deeper intimacy in our relationship with God and each other.
We want all of our family and friends to know that your love and support during the time of our engagement and now our marriage means the world to us, verbal and written "thank you's" cannot begin to express how thankful we are for you all. :)
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