Inventory

I don't know why, but lately I've been doing some inventory of my life. Thinking of the people and circumstances that God has used to mold me into who I am today. The biggest question I'm chewing on right now is, "what could I have done differently to erase the black marks on my past." It's a painful question to contemplate.There are so many things I wish I could change about my past, people I wish I could apologize to and so on. What I've been learning as I read God's Word is that He is in my past, present and future. There is nothing I can do about the past except use it to make me live differently for today. This is good, but can still be somewhat unsatisfying. What is satisfying is to know that God is able to use all things for his Glory and my good. Sometimes, like today, I am able to stumble across someone or some situation from my past and see a glimmer of God's hope is that life/situation. What a blessing. It makes me think that living for Christ is a like working on a muscle, once you stop, the muscle weakens and deteriorates, but if you keep at it your endurance and strength will grow and  you can do more. The muscle tears to be built up. Maybe those circumstances I wish I could change was a tear in my muscle for Christ. He used it to build me up in Him. He's amazing, and I learn that more each day..