Discouraged. Burdened.

If you are one who is offended easily, I ask that you don't continue reading this, if you are willing to walk this road with me, welcome to my world at the moment.. Realize I'm not a fancy writer, and I am a woman which means you will hear emotion. You have been warned.
Something that has completely been plaguing my soul is materialism among Christians- myself included. It's one of those things that I will never fully get a grip on, and I'm aware of that, but something that God has really been working in my heart about. The problem is that it can depress me when I see it around me. It feels like walking into a smoke filled room and not being able to catch some fresh air for my suffocating lungs. Strong imagery- maybe. But I'm simply being honest here. It can literally flatten me. Recently this happened where a Christian purchased something that floored me. I looked at this item and thought that it in no way matched the life they say they valued. But how much of it is just my opinion- and how much of what I feel is a righteous anger? That's the something that I haven't figured out quite yet. It can be hard to sort through because the thoughts and emotions are intense and strong. I think of what Jesus had and it was pretty close to nothing. He had the sandals on his feet, the cloak on his back and no where to rest his head, no kitchen to come home to with stocked fridges. I hear Christians say all the time "well, God wants us to enjoy what He has given us." Ok, I can agree to a point. But at what point are we interpreting what "enjoy" means? He has given us a beautiful world to enjoy- flowers, mountains, trees, oceans, beautiful views. But does this mean that as a Christian I can "enjoy" my beach house in FL and my boat in the dock, my cabinet full of all I love to eat/drink, etc? Hopefully you get where I'm going with this. What does it mean as a Christian to store up treasures on earth and to store up treasures in heaven? Where's the balance? Where does "give all you have an follow me" come into play?




¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:18-20


All the time I see Christians living in immaculate fancy houses, driving brand new cars and living a lifestyle that is, frankly, pretty expensive. Sometimes I want that life. Sometimes I see that nice car and think " man, all I've had are "lemons" so far and boy would it be nice to cruise around in that car." Then I have to ask for forgiveness for coveting, and think about what we are able to give and do because we don't "live fancy". It's pretty humbling and I ask myself why I care about that stuff in the first place. "I like nice things" I think to myself often "Man, it would be nice to buy something instead of making it", or "<sigh> it gets SO tiring to penny pinch all the time and to have this budget." But ALL of this is Satan's way of getting me to desire the "American dream" or simply- what I don't have. In reality I want to live the "Heavenly dream" and get to heaven with nothing! But what do I do in the meantime with the hoards of Christians I see asking people to give to God's work, yet they live in houses that look JUST like the neighbor next to them who doesn't know Christ. If I was a lost person, I think I might have a hard time with that- wouldn't you? I mean, Jesus lived pretty much like a homeless person. Yet we strive for all of this "stuff"- what are we? We are missing the point. Now I don't think that we should all walk around without a home, but the point is- what do we do with what we have?
When i die - the last thing I want God to say to me is "you failed to give". I don't know what giving looks like in the life of each individual believer, but I believe it looks a lot different than how we are doing it currently. Where is our trust that God will supply all our needs? How do we have wisdom to save to provide for our families but not hoard? I don't know. But I wish I did. I wish that I could turn off my brain when I see Christians living in excess so that I don't have to process how I feel about it. I don't know why I care so much to be honest!!! It's just plaguing me. 


Matthew 19:21
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”


Luke 12:33
Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.


We as Americans have so much. I forget that sometimes. But all it takes is pulling out my "memory lane" book in my head and remembering my times with the less fortunate. Oh, then I remember - fast. I remember what hunger looks like. I remember what being cold feels like. I remember what sickness smells like. And I purge. I purge our home of stuff, I find people to give to. I ask forgiveness from God for falling into the greed I see around me. I really don't want to sound like I hate everybody with money- that's simply not true and if you know me, you will already realize that. What I hate is how blinded we can be to the blessings and glory (for the Lord) there is in giving ourselves and our possessions away. We are first hand recipients of this! About 80% of everything we have has been given to us. Or sold to us at a miraculously low rate. I know that some "big name" preachers have felt this because they write about it. They sell their homes to live in something 1/3 of the size. I don't think I'm the only one with this burden. And I'm not the only one feeling the tug-o-war between what God wants and what the World is advertising for us. Everyday we are solicited. It can be hard to ignore. They know their stuff!! They know how to entice you and get you to want what they have to offer. It's one of the reasons we don't watch TV shows. I know that if I watch designer home shows that i will covet. I will look at my house and not be satisfied- Oh God forgive me!!! We have been given SO much, have I said that already- here goes my heart again. Do not take this as a judgement,I confess that I have judged people before, but this was written simply to process- not judge. This "thought purge" will be left unfinished because the truth is that I don't know the answers to my questions, God's not finished with me yet.  And I cannot type while I cry. 

Blissful rest...

Bliss. If I had to pick one work to describe this weekend that would be it. David and I packed up our necessities and headed to St. Joseph, MI for the weekend. We didn't know what to expect but I just prayed that God would give our hearts and minds some rest. We have been pretty busy the last few weeks and we always feel that we miss out on the most precious joys of life when we are too busy-each other and the Lord. It was wonderful to sit on the edge of a "cliff" and enjoy the gorgeous raw view of Lake Michigan, slightly tarnished by man but still in all of it's glory. Beautiful. We enjoyed the friendly people walking through the downtown. We even enjoyed staying at a Super 8 hotel- something we worried would be a downer. It was a clean and nice hotel, and the receptionist even gave us the room with new flooring (Bonus!). I really am learning to relax. It is an art form in this life, I'm convinced of that. By rest I don't mean that we live our lives on our couches sipping Coke and catching up with TV shows, I mean rest. That mental state where you fall into the arms of Jesus and un-tense all of your mental and physical muscles. As we enjoyed the blessings of God, the gorgeous sunshine, the warm air and cool breeze it hit me, this is what we have all of the time in Jesus if we just choose it. Maybe not physically, but mentally and spiritually, yes.

Work (in general) is a blessing, through it God provides all kinds of things. He provides money to keep the lights on, character building people to work with, joy and sweat, satisfaction in a job well done and more. But he means for us to rest. In my minds eye I see God looking down at us like ants in an anthill. They seem to never stop, running here and there, I know there's a method to their madness but to me it looks just like that- madness. I believe that in the madness God is trying to speak to us. Why are you striving so much? To earn my love? To forget the past? To measure up to that person you put in front of my love and standard? Have you forgotten that even I have rested, how much more important is it for you?  These are things that I think my be a real "pulse" of American society. Why is it that couples forget who they married? Busyness. They think that work, kids or whatever else they put in the "God and each other" spot is the most important thing and it puts everything else out of whack. When I'm under stress I feel it in my neck, shoulders and upper back. One day the pain was so bad that I couldn't go to work, when I had a massage therapist friend work out my muscles, she told me that the pain I was experiencing was a muscle that was connected across my shoulder to the lower part of my back! Sure enough, I felt it both places when she worked on my lower back. Isn't this how it can be in our lives? When I am feeling unsure of God's love for me, I start to doubt that David could love me, and it puts stress on both relationships. Where is the stress in our lives? What are we holding onto that is taking away from our "first love"? Rest. Remember surrender. Rest in the love that God has for us, that the victory is ours in Jesus. Rest. Rest that our sins are washed away, our night is turned to day! Rest. My friend, are you in need of some rest?